Reentry means....
/From an inmate at FCC:
Reentry to me means entering back into society. Reentering the community after being away for a while. Starting back at square one, a fresh start. It feels like a second chance. It means I have nothing and am willing to work for money, a place to live, food, and the ones I love. You leave here with nothing but happiness and good intention that quickly turns into fear. Fear that you can’t do it, that no one believes in you. Then you start questioning if you even believe in yourself. If you reenter without accepting the fact that you broke the law and have taken accountability for it or have not let go of the things that weigh you down or completely hold you back, such as drugs, alcohol, or gambling; chances are you are coming back.
When you reenter you need support from the numerous programs available, from the community, and even support to acquire the essentials. Essentials are a clean and sober roof over your head, food, shower stuff, clothes, and transportation to look for a job. You rely on programs such as the Rescue Mission, APIC, No Limits, and felony housing for a place to sleep at night. You turn to treatment programs for substance abuse in order to function again without drugs and alcohol. In order to get treatment, you need some sort of insurance. After treatment, you need NA or AA, and insurance still for medical needs and counseling. You need forgiveness from the borough because, without that, chances of getting past square one are slim to none.
Some of the things that make me hopeful are getting a second chance in the first place. Thinking about the future and making plans for, it is something that gives me hope. I think about finding an easy job in order to pay for college classes. I sit here and try to figure out what to major in, in college. Planning positive and constructive things to do with my free time such as jogging. A huge part of the hope I have in here is from my family. They support me in a way that makes me feel like I am not alone, so them believing in me helps me believe in myself. Having someone believe in you makes you feel strong enough to get through this. Having clean and sober friends is helpful. My friends who are doing good are people I look up to. Some of them have charges from their past and a now working and raising their families. I look up to them because I think if they can do it, so can I. Sometimes it feels like all odds are against you so a little bit of hope goes a long way.
I have experienced both good and bad reentry. Most of the time I experience bad reentry. I go straight back to the lifestyle I lived that landed me here. I go and get high on meth and drink alcohol. I go and hang out with friends who do the same thing and before you know it I’m back here. Without proper help it’s confusing. And you start to feel hopeless again. It’s complicated looking for work because you are not sure anyone will even hire you. The stress leads you back to drinking and using.
I have also experienced good reentry. I was working a relatively good job and was taking a college course. I had an apartment and felt like I was doing alright. Those feelings didn’t last long, it was harder to concentrate after the use of meth and even harder to stay from drugs and alcohol. Before you know it I was completely hopeless. I started to feel like the work I was doing had no purpose. A combination of that and constantly trying to keep my mind from using meth lead me straight back to the lifestyle I fought so hard to get out of.
I never leave here with a good relapse prevention plan or a good place to go during a relapse. I feel alone and sometimes it’s even hard to find a meeting (NA or AA) because of Covid-19. I never leave here with options that point me in the right direction to further my education. When I get out during the wintertime, I don’t have proper winter clothes to survive making it to the bus stop. There have only been a number of agencies that have gone above and beyond to help me over the 11 years I have been in and out of jail. AmeriCorps has went way beyond helping me get into treatment in the past and where even there for me in my time of need. The fourth floor has tried to help me a number of times. They have tried to help me get into treatment. The Rescue Mission is always there when I need them for food and shelter. Sober and clean friends at T.C.C. have always pointed me in the right direction for treatment, counseling, and just for someone to talk to. An old RA from Mt. Edgecumbe High School has helped me in the time of crisis. I know that help is out there, but it takes time and a lot of growing in order to muster up the confidence to accept the fact that you need help in the first place. Then it takes a lot of motivation to even try and start getting help. You definitely can’t do it alone.
